Thoughtful Support and Creativity

       The past few months I have been doing a whole lot for my parents. I am so thankful to have the time to help. I am even more thankful that my parents are now local so I CAN help out!  The 2 weekends we went away my brother and sister-in-law came from NJ to help out! Getting away for a bit to recharge was wonderful! When I went to my Mom's on Monday to take her over to the rehab. to visit Dad I saw this cool thing on her kitchen table!  This is what I saw:

For those of you who do not know my sister-in-law Lisa is just endlessly creative. Lisa and my brother Donald have a side business where she makes beautiful and delicious candy creations among other things! They wanted to do something to thank me for helping out with Mom and Dad but she and my brother know I have been working hard doing WW to lose weight. She did not want to set me up for failure by making something that would make me take steps backwards. Instead of giving me the chocolate covered pretzels and chocolate covered oreos(that I LOVE) and that would take ALL my points away in the blink of an eye she put together an arrangement of Weight Watchers candies for me!  I cannot get over how thoughtful this was. It was also a huge sign of encouragement from her and my brother!!

I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Oh I will post a link for their business as soon as the site is up and running! They are in the process of improving the site as I type this!!

The Numbers

     As much as I hear people say, "It is NOT about the numbers. It is about how you feel!" and I WANT to agree I just CANNOT seem to get there!!  I WANT and NEED to see the numbers GO DOWN!! Is that another hurdle I need to jump over?? Well if it is, it is one that is a ways down the road for me!

    So here are how the numbers go as of now:

• On February 20th I reached one of my first milestones. I got my 10lb. ribbon and lost 11.2 lbs total.
• On February 23rd I realized that my OVERALL weight loss is much higher than my weight loss since beginning WW. My overall weightloss then was 25lbs. And I have gone down a pants size as well!!!  Very exciting!
• On March 5th (following 2 weekends away) I  lost another 2.4lbs!! To date I am MOST proud of this loss. This brings my total WW weight loss to 13.8 and my TOTAL weight loss to 27.4 lbs!!  
• My weight on Monday night was 250 lbs even. That means next week I SHOULD see the 240's on the scale!!!  I cannot even tell you what it means to see myself succeeding and feeling more confident in this journey!!

     I am so thankful for all of the support I have been given! You are ALL part of my success, but my biggest support comes from above:
       "For I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

Two Challenging Weekends in a Row

    On February 24 Dad was discharged from the hospital. It was a few days prior that we had to tell him he was not coming straight home upon discharge. Dad was weak before he was hospitalized and adding 10 days in the hospital, mostly bedridden, rendered him incredibly weak. Dad was unable to walk alone, even using a walker. He needed a short-term residential rehab. facility. The 24th was the day he was going there.

     The 24th was also the day my husband and I were leaving to go away for the weekend. It was a crazy day, but all in all we got Dad settled in and then headed out for out trip to Hershey, PA. "A Weekend to Remember", a christian marriage conference was our destination. I was really looking forward to a weekend with John to focus on our relationship. I was NOT looking forward to the daunting job of making good food chioces for 2 1/2 days. Meals were not included in this conference so we were on our own, in HERSHEY, PA, the land of CHOCOLATE!!!!!  Sigh!!

    I did my best to plan ahead. I went to the store Thursday and bought items we could keep in our room to have for breakfast both mornings as well as snacks. For lunch a group of us went to Friendy's together. If you look at my earlier post (Stress and Food Choices) about Friendly's you will see how I USED to eat there! Today I remained in control and ordered the half sandwich and salad, using only vinegar on the salad, and drank water. I was doing well.

   Dinner was a special date night for John and I. We made reservations at a restaurant in the Hershey Lodge. I had also planned ahead for this meal. I looked at the menu online and I knew what I wanted to eat even before we got there! I also saved ALL of my extra weekly points, that I typically do not use, and planned to use them! All of this planning ahead is SO very new to me. I thought it would make me feel trapped and limited, but instead it has empowered me!!  The warm dinner rolls arrived on the table which is my downfall to begin with, BUT because we were in Hershey there was a twist, CHOCOLATE BUTTER was served with the WARM dinner rolls. I was done for then and there! I allowed myself to over-endulge for that meal. I did not count up the points I had used, I mearly took EVERY SINGLE point I had left and wrote "dinner" next to it.

       Historically a splurge like that dinner would have me so wracked with guilt that I would play the same record in my head: " I might as well quit since I messed up tonight", "There is no way I can get back on track after eating like this." "See I knew I did not have self control."   But I pushed those thoughts AWAY as they attempted to sidetrack me. Instead I began to tell myself, "It is ok. It was ONE night. Get back on program tomorrow." That is EXACTLY what I did. I did not allow one night of over-endulgence the power of taking away the success of the previous 6+ weeks. Another HUGE hurdle I made it over.....I know that SAME hurdle will present itself in the future, but getting over it the first time is the hardest. Each time after that the previous success lifts you up and over that hurdle a little easier!!

       I did not attend my WW meeting the following Monday for several reasons. I had a very stressful day dealing with stuff at the rehab. where my Dad is now staying, John was working, I was beginning to get sick, I had PMS and KNEW I was retaining water. Ultimately I knew the scale would be up so I bailed on the meeting. This was not a good choice, but again one I did not allow to change my overall direction. Monday I was back on program and had a great week. It is a good thing I had a great week because we had yet ANOTHER weekend away to face!!
 
      This time it was a family retreat with our church family. The families take turns making the meals and the menu is put out before we go so I could plan ahead again. Wow, that makes ALL the difference in the world!!  Sat. breakfast I was good, Sat lunch was make your own hoagies so I brought my own bread that was FAR LESS points than a hoagie roll!! Dinner was tacos so I had little meat, cheese and sour cream and instead loaded up on the veggies!! My biggest saving grace was having salad available with EVERY meal!!  I had even saved enough points to allow myself to partake in ice cream sundae night!  I had a small scoop of ice cream and a small piece of brownie. Somehow I WAS satisfied with that. Historically I would have a ton of ice cream and lots of brownies!!

     Sunday lunch was the final meal of the weekend and my group made it. It was homemade chicken parmesan with spaghetti. I could LIVE on pasta, but it is high in points. I had my chicken, my spaghetti and my bread while staying within my points because THAT was my big meal of the day. Again I am NOT DEPRIVING myself, I am just making BETTER CHOICES!!!   I KNOW this will NEVER be an EASY life change. I know I am able to succeed. I know I will fall short sometimes. The key is to realize TOMORROW IS A NEW DAY!! A FRESH START!!

    Looking forward........that is what I must keep doing......looking forward!!!

Seeing The Fruits of My Labor

   I am several weeks behind with posting updates. Things have been turned upside-down since Dad got sick.


          I want to go back to February 18, 2012. On that day I went to a brunch because a family that is very dear to my heart had come back to Morgantown for a visit. When I saw my friend Karen her first response was, "Oh wow! You look so good!" My immediate response was, "Really?? I have only lost 11 lbs.  How can you see a difference?"  This negative response is typical because I have NEVER received compliments well.(Something else I need to work on.)  Karen said, No you look a lot different than when I saw you in May. I thanked her and enjoyed the rest of our visit.


      Shortly after that visit I went to the bank and needed to give them my drivers license. When I looked at the photo my license I was taken back. My face was so fat I almost did not recognize myself. I had my new photo taken in April of 2011. That was when I realized I had lost much more weight than I am giving myself credit for. Looking back at that photo made me realize it was spring/summer of 2011 I was at my highest weight which was a SCARY 277 lbs. I lost about 12lbs. before I began WW in Jan.  I have lost 20+ lbs total. Woohoo!!!



     
    
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Stress and Food Choices

        My Weight Watcher leader said that next weeks topic in "Managing Stress." Well she may be a week too late for me. Toinght I had to take my 79 year old Father and admit him into the hospital. His kidneys are failing and his blood is messed up. This all began back in Nov. of 2011 but we thought Dad was on the road to recovery until about 2 weeks ago. The mind boggling thing is what caused Dad's initial kidney failure...it was from taking over-the-counter Prilosec for 3 weeks. It made his kidneys shut down. He was on meds to keep the kidneys working. The endo of Jan. the Dr. ordered that we taper him off of that medicine. He was doing well but the past week or maybe 2, he has been declining. He has been confused, weak, sleeping most of the day, severe dry mouth and cannot eat. We had bloodwork done yesterday and today the Dr. called saying, "He needs to be admitted to the hospital!" That is what we did this afternoon/evening. It was a stressful evening that is only the beginning of what will be a stressful a stressful week or more.

     When we left the hospital my Mom wanted to stop and eat. We went to Friendly's. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE  Friendly's. I typically do not even have to look at the menu because I get the same thing each time I go. I had this crazy dialog in my head until I got to the restaurant and ordered my food. This is what I was saying; "I am getting what I like to eat because I am stressed!" Then I said, "No, I worked HARD to lose 4.2 lbs last week. I cannot eat poorly and go backwards again."  This went back and forth in my head for a long while. So I pulled my phone out and looked up the points value of the meal I WANTED to eat. Well let me tell you what an eye opener that was for me!!! I have to tell you that I get 38 WW points daily. Here is the point value of the entire meal that I ALWAYS get when I go there is.....are you READY for this??? The total is 71 points....for ONE meal!!!  That meal includes a sandwich, 2 Sprites, fries and a sundae. How INSANE is that????  71 points for ONE meal??? Seriously!!?!?!? What the heck have I been doing to myself??

      Well happily, I made the HEALTHY choice. The meal I chose had a point value of 9 total points!!!  That meal was half of a sandwich, a side salad with fat free dressing and water!!  AND I felt satisfied after I ate it!! It was  BIG step for me to choose the healthy food over what my body told me I was craving or my emotions told me I "need!!"  I feel like I am making serious progress in making good food choices!!

      I plan on packing a cooler of healthy foods and snacks for our visits to the hospital to see my Dad! I am beginning to think I may REALLY be able to succeed this time!!
  
     Please Pray for my Dad to recover soon!!!

     

Weigh-In

   This week was a really good weigh in and that was because I worked REALLY hard to make it be that way! I made sure what I ate all week was not only within my points I also worked hard to make HEALTHY food choices!  So this week I lost 4.2 lbs!!  It is a GREAT loss, but it would have been so much better if I had not gained last week. I would have loved for that entire 4.2 to be toward my total wieght loss, but it simply helped me regain ground I lost last week. My total losss is 8.8 lbs so far! Looking forward to having loss in the double digits!!

  

  

Yep, I disappered! But I am back now!!!

     I have been a bit lazy in blogging. The same thing happens to me everytime I begin to journal. Writing and I are not really close. I never feel like what I have to say is important enough to write, remember and keep. But this weeks subject at WW was tracking. If you have ever been on the WW program you know that tracking what you eat and drink is a HUGE part of the program. But you are also supposed to track how many fruits and veggies you eat, dairy and healthy oils and if you take a multi-vitamin. This week our leader asked us about a very important thing that many of us do not track, our emotions!!

      It is ironic that Monday's meeting was so powerful for me. Ironic because I almost did not hear it.  After I weighed-in and found out I had gained 3lbs. I really wanted to go home. Ok that is not honest either, I wanted to go EAT. I wanted to eat lots and lots of junk to punish myself for gaining. Instead I stayed at the meeting and learned something very critical to my success, not only in weight loss but in life too.

        Emotions!!!  I have learned well how to deal with my emotions. I ignore them. I hide them. I suff them. I internalize them. But the reason I am having to do WW at all is because I FEED my emotions!! Yep, I said I FEED my emotions, I do not FEEL my emotions. This was such an ah-ha moment for me during the meeting. I realized that is the beginning and end of my weight issues. I have NEVER allowed myself to FEEL my emotions.

       I have had many bad things happen to me in my life from the time I was quite young. As a result of those things I became a very angry little girl. I was mean and had very few friends. Even my family got frustrated with me. But there was one thing that was ALWAYS there for me....FOOD!!!  Food never judged me. Food never let me down. Food never told me I was a brat. Food made me happy....for a while anyway. Then as I began getting overweight, food and I fought all the time and still do to this very day. We fight because it calls me and tells me if I eat I will feel better. Instead I feel worse. What a viscious cycle I have lived for most of my life.

      The challenge our leader gave for this week is to journal our feelings thoughout the day in a journal separate from our food journal. That is so we do not equate certain foods to our feelings. I have not been doing this yet this week, but I have been thinking more before I eat and asking WHY do I want to eat?? Is it physical hunger or emotional hunger? Most often it is NOT physical hunger. Surprise, surprise!! Not!

       So even though this week was not successful on the scale I feel overall it was a week that will carry me through to ultimate success in weight loss and health!