Yep, I disappered! But I am back now!!!

     I have been a bit lazy in blogging. The same thing happens to me everytime I begin to journal. Writing and I are not really close. I never feel like what I have to say is important enough to write, remember and keep. But this weeks subject at WW was tracking. If you have ever been on the WW program you know that tracking what you eat and drink is a HUGE part of the program. But you are also supposed to track how many fruits and veggies you eat, dairy and healthy oils and if you take a multi-vitamin. This week our leader asked us about a very important thing that many of us do not track, our emotions!!

      It is ironic that Monday's meeting was so powerful for me. Ironic because I almost did not hear it.  After I weighed-in and found out I had gained 3lbs. I really wanted to go home. Ok that is not honest either, I wanted to go EAT. I wanted to eat lots and lots of junk to punish myself for gaining. Instead I stayed at the meeting and learned something very critical to my success, not only in weight loss but in life too.

        Emotions!!!  I have learned well how to deal with my emotions. I ignore them. I hide them. I suff them. I internalize them. But the reason I am having to do WW at all is because I FEED my emotions!! Yep, I said I FEED my emotions, I do not FEEL my emotions. This was such an ah-ha moment for me during the meeting. I realized that is the beginning and end of my weight issues. I have NEVER allowed myself to FEEL my emotions.

       I have had many bad things happen to me in my life from the time I was quite young. As a result of those things I became a very angry little girl. I was mean and had very few friends. Even my family got frustrated with me. But there was one thing that was ALWAYS there for me....FOOD!!!  Food never judged me. Food never let me down. Food never told me I was a brat. Food made me happy....for a while anyway. Then as I began getting overweight, food and I fought all the time and still do to this very day. We fight because it calls me and tells me if I eat I will feel better. Instead I feel worse. What a viscious cycle I have lived for most of my life.

      The challenge our leader gave for this week is to journal our feelings thoughout the day in a journal separate from our food journal. That is so we do not equate certain foods to our feelings. I have not been doing this yet this week, but I have been thinking more before I eat and asking WHY do I want to eat?? Is it physical hunger or emotional hunger? Most often it is NOT physical hunger. Surprise, surprise!! Not!

       So even though this week was not successful on the scale I feel overall it was a week that will carry me through to ultimate success in weight loss and health!